Friday, March 18, 2011

The Monster Behind the Door

I honestly don't know what to say. It's nearly 10 PM, the day after my 44th birthday. And I'm reeling from some pretty heavy news--my Mom, who has had some rather significant health crises over the past six months or so, is now facing yet another unwelcome diagnosis.

Back in October of 2010, they discovered a cancerous tumor in Mom's trachea and larynx. To make a long story short, in late November, she had her larynx removed. All things went as well as could be expected; the surgeons expected that this would resolve the cancer problem, although it certainly ushered in a very significant lifestyle change for Mom...for one, breathing was now through a hole in her neck, and she would be unable to speak without the assistance of communication devices--which never fully (or even remotely) take the place of natural speech.

But overall, she was doing quite well...she was making great strides in the overall adjustment to the "new normal" and beginning to inject herself back into many aspects of "normal" life. She had a few other issues, for one, a (seemingly) unrelated back issue which caused her some discomfort.

Several visits to the chiropractor led ultimately to x-rays, an MRI, and a visit to the neurosurgeon, which actually took place yesterday. I was fully expecting the neurosurgeon to report that there was some pinching, and perhaps a bit of orthoscopic surgery was in order. Instead he said that a couple of vertebrae had collapsed, and that the culprit was in all likelihood bone cancer (having ruled out other causes).

Cancer. Didn't we just do this? Didn't we get it taken care of? Are we really going to face this one again? Were we just lulled into a false sense of "normalcy" for a couple months? Back in those good ol' days when we were blissfully ignorant of the monsters lurking behind the door?

I'm not really sure where this blog is going. I'm writing to write, not necessarily to be read or heard. If you're reading this, well, okay, but I suspect it's by sheer happenstance.

Right now I'm very tired. I suppose I should be processing all sorts of spiritual insights that I could share here. You know, God is in control, God is faithful. And I believe those things. I genuinely do. But honestly, right now, I just want to plop myself in front of some mindless, emotionally-neutral TV show like "How It's Made" until exhaustion takes over and I drift off to sleep. There are times when being alone sucks.

1 comment:

  1. Remember, with the Lord, you are never alone. The prayers of others are with you. I've faced cancer with both parents over the past 30 years, and I remember how scary it was. I'll be praying for you, brother. God will uplift you in His arms, and your mother and family as well. And it's ok to watch something mindless on TV. You are being prayed for (to remind you) in case you forgot already :-)